years fly by

it my bdae today.. hope for all e best.. and happiness to my friends and family..

Evil Nature

I no longer know what is the sun like when it scorched my back.

No longer know how it feels like washing myself in my sweaty red devils jersey.

No longer feel the wrath of my thunderbolt booties.

No longer, feel that my heart skip that beat. alongside any certain somebody.

These days, everything is numb.. too perplex to hav any certain feelings..

Utterly convinced that i live this life to the max. with no intermission between periods.

For i wont see day turn to night. neither how wonderfully the sun rises.

and yet the struggle for freedom of this wrangle persists.

When nature wants to drill a man, and skill a man.

When nature wants to mould a man to play the noblest part.

Uncompromisingly, she yearns with all her heart to create so great and bold a man.. that all the world shall praise..

Watch her method, watch her ways.

How she ruthlessly perfects a man she royally elects.

How she hammers him and hurt him and with those lowdown blows that converts him into shapes of utter sad fuck which only nature herself understands.

When nature wants to wake a man. When nature wants to make a man to do heaven's will.

With what cunning she prepares him. How she happily gloats and never spares him, how she whets him and frets him and in poverty she cursed it upon him.... How she often disappoints those whom she sacredly appoints.

When nature wants to name a man, fame a man.

When nature shames that man so to make him do his heavenly best....

She tries the highest test that her cunniest may bring.

When she wants a god or king. She reins him and restrains him, keeps him yearning for ever more, to induce his ever burning desire to stand out.

She lures and lacerates his soul. cast a jungle in front of him, so that he clear it, casts a desert on him, so that he fear it.

Come on. Subdue it if he can.

Watch her purpose, watch her ways.

Fools are those who called her blind.

When he walks his feet torn.. toes bleed and bruised, his spirits dun heed. His hopes burn in the presence of defeat.

Crisis! crisis! The people beseeched salvation.

A leader heeded the call.

Then nature she showed her despicable plan.

The world has found this man.

Evil nature.

everything comes to end for this period.

Finally, all is over, no one can imagine the stress at this school, where tons of ppl nt studying here always tot we buys that piece of shit crap.

for the first time, first time in my 16 yrs of studying, i must admit i've been made to slog to my limits. nothing hav ever pushed me tat hard.. oh, nt even close. well, just cudnt compare to my poly days at all.. now, this exams left my a little shocked, a little surpised..

shocked by the intensity, by the high standards.
suprised by the unexpected discoveries of my strengths, and of cos my weaknesses.

sociology paper, big hoo haa. newspaper, news.. students crying outside the exams hall. tat who i tot was a gd fren of mine gave me the crapiest thing i ever heard. watever conflicts i take it like a man, a few days later i will go b joking w him. its just tat i had my reservations nowadays ever since turf club job incident.

and now that sentence sudn b said. it convinced me. he, misplaced our frenship. he sud noe some campb, i dun look back. a man has consequences he has to bear for actions he does. like me, if i studied harder earlier in the yr, i sud had been aiming first class, unlike now hoping for that bonus 2nd class instead.

anyway true frens takes time to show, its a pity it took so long and diden show. but, i'm realli glad tat a few brothers sup me. patrick lee kar keng is a seebee. heck care 'father' type. but he sup me. happy. realli nvr waste i sup him when he at his lowest.

ppl say the most 幸福 thing that can happen, is to find someone that u love. but so? u busy shag from outfield. pegassus. buckspeed. swiftarrow. safka. tigerjack. giantbuaya. type also so many. go thru them worse than typing 100,000 times. no time go out. she screw u. leave for france. u think she will sup u. frens u busy v long nvr see dem.. nvr call dem.. they sup u. so which one more 幸福? think abt it.

tell me tt i stil live..

i've nvr imagined switching from a discipline to another can be as tough as it is...
true i've struggled..

sometimes i wondered.. nut, hey but i'm still an associate engineer to say e least. period.

why am i not going out and start earning my 2k.. why am i not going out to finally get out of this cycle tat revolves ard the money makes e world goes round..

i constantly struggle with myself. its a struggle for freedom n yet.. its another burning desire to try to make the best outta my life.. i diden think life wud b so fragile til WTC fell.. oh yes.. being blond deserved to be bombed anyway.. den they said allah told them to.. i can imagine allah's embrassement. when he saw jesus at pearly gates.. and all he cud say is : bro really not me..

this yr has been a tough 'adaption'. like a commando.. i tried blending into these foreign bases.. sometimes i feel my courage left me.. the courage of soldiering on.. inspirations left me for dead.. its just so disheartening..

now my papers are nearing.. not only i wan to get them off the blocks.. i wan to keep them right up there.. where another day of showcase fills my stone cold heart with pride..

after then i will keep that physco piles of tree-made rubbish.. locked in a cupboard for a sentence of a period.. on a charge of serial murders of my countless nights of sleep..

i cant wait to see the sun again..

i must die another day

hey guys,

i'm back for nw... haha.. i noe aze's complaining i din update my post for soo long.. lol.. been v v stressed... exams coming in 3 wks.. realli...

after exams i going to enjoy myself :P i realli hope i can..

aite.. yup busy, but still, i jus cant suppress e poetic blood tat flows within me. i just cant post something simply.. sometimes i suspect i'm of italian lineage or sth likedat.. hey well.. actualli, its jus the random tots tat jus wun leave my mind alone..



The day light breaks once again..

Another day has begun... but still no sleep has arrive...

My torso weary.. my mind overworked.. i lie awake reminiscing...

But of what I am unsure...

I need to break free from the cycle I endure..

Everyday is the same and the nights are undistinguished.. I feel as though I am being pushed along with the tide, Unable to break free from the everyday flow.

I need to be freed from the grasp of ordinary.. And become that person I have always longed for.. Express myself in every way, and conquer the dreams as I lie awake.

Then I may fall asleep and put my mind to rest..

Burn.. burning to make changes in my life and help pitiful souls in tis cold and materialistic world.. how noble n wonderful it wud be to touch everyone's life in a positive way..

And leave my mark on this society.. before I fade away..

LoSt SeAson II

its been so longg..

so long that i forgot my name... that for glory.. i no longer know wat i'm doing..

second time in my life.. second coming.... cross roads has became an dead end..

i nvr felt so lost.. gd luck to me. gd luck to the events coming up.

for tonight.. thou shall not pass this path...

that.. of an indescribable evanishment..

save me.... awaits a saviour in e name of serenity..

for i need it.. that badly...

原来我们是最熟悉的陌生人

只怪我们爱得那么汹涌

爱得那么深

于是梦醒了

搁浅了沉默了挥手了

却回不了神

如果当初在交会时能忍住了激动的灵魂

也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里... 沉沦..

chronic invalidity

I dun really like the zone.. din like the fact i stayed in the cone..
Far across tis river.. that piece of land...

I yearned to go there to seek new beginning..
A new endeavour, something that is vinny style...

all these days of reminisce..
only realised that regrets made this game get deeper...

within the walls of these confinements.. beyond these apirations..
there lies incredible fire.. that cud burn any confession..

confessions not abt disclosure of sins.. but abt absolutions..
absolutions not abt freedom of guilt.. but abt true release of my mind..

now whenever i swam.. i swam hard..
only fault myself not getting a buoy..

in my dreams.. he told me its not abt the buoy..
but the season's tide..

all my might.. i flapped...

one day..

one day.. i will swim accross this river..
into that piece of vast.. to seek a new beginning...

beddy

Once upon a time... There's a boy named Alex.. His father worked in the shipyard. And he too followed his father at a young age.

One day, A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another,
but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought
in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young boy.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately
went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would
know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into
his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something.
Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away.
The engine was fixed! A week later, the owners received a bill from the
old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"
So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

CAN YOU GUESS WHAT WAS THE BREAK DOWN????
Alex n his father read the bill that states:
Tapping with a hammer. ............. . $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap..........$ 9,998.00

the moral is,
Effort is important,
but knowing where to make
an effort in your life makes the difference.

brainy ToTs~~

whew.. sch reopens. and theres accts test coming up the very first week! ok, nvm cos i had it covered. just. i mean. at 2.21am. hey but still early. decided to get a new post in.

din sleep well last nite.. the air con kept swtiching off by itself.. it kept waking me up in drops of sweat. haha. think my air con needs some servicing soon man.. or mayb get a proper fan in case..
think i only slept abt 2 hrs actually..

today got a full day in sch plus the trip to relc to pay my exam fees. surprisingly i'm not that tired now too. ya noe, the trip to relc today also signifies exams is nearing, forcing its way into my schedule come may. stress building up eh..

life is an never ending learning process, cos no matter how u learn to cope with stress, still u cant perfect it. hahaha... true not true.

my fren said to me, "tough times dun last. tough man do." this, i feel is crap. tough times dun end, after sch, its work stress, then its ur own family. its abt adopting different ways of coping with those times, at different stages of ur life.

therefore, only the sentence life is a never ending learning process is true. my stance now is, at this stage, whenever, i'm stressed, i jus go to sleep.

the NEXT day, i wake up with renewed determination. bcos the human mind works jus likedat. sleep can remove some of the sadness, happiness, emotions, stress, that u were feeling last night. its like, the joke u found so funny last night, dun seem so funny the next morning after all. right? its like the brain reconciles watever feelings u were feeling before the sleep and adjust it to a more neutral scale the next morning.

and it really works for me, tried n proven. i'm glad i found my stress relief! til next time, Au Revoir.

Of em0tions n grets

是我自己错误的决定 ...

ThiNKer BellS.. thiNKing All the wAy.......

Merry Xmas!

hey, tis xmas is the least happening one.. but tis year is a important year =) an important year to end. oh, and yes come jan, i got somethings that i wanna fufil. like my resolution bleh..

looking forward to the next year. faster come!!

HOHOHOHOHOHO..
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH....
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH........

Merry Merry Merry!!

JusT SwiMMing iN Troubled WatErs....

its been more than a week..

god, i'm so slack nowadays.. prison breaking, writing death notes, walking on the street til late into the break of dawn..

yeah man. i just tell myself to relax this month for i'm going to need tons of chocolate to destress.. judgement day is getting closer day by day.. i dun need a judge. but, i'm judged by the society. get in.. get in and be judged. com'on.

Hey, i really need somebody to be there.. really.. sometimes i cant make it on my own..

til next time.

reSt my imAgination god of scripts..

my imagination jus doesnt leave me alone..

first i did some english lit kinda prose.. n then last wk a extraordinary post on turf club heroes. shit i'm gone case.. i sud had taken on a degree with script writing. all my ideas are so out of the world that i'll b rich very soon. haha chill..

i mean chill. er, to myself.. i need to focus on my work man.. weekends are meant for work nowadays.. i dun even hav much chance to hang out with frens.. cant even hav my soccer sessions on sun morning le..

gotta do tuts after reach home from work ya noe.. jus hope they understand.. someone asked why i 'MIA' for a month. but, funny thing is sometimes jus hope ppl will call me out.. so i can hav a reason to force myself out man.. cos i jus cant find excuse to relax myself. hahhaha..

ya noe, some frens think i really crap alot.. full of nonsense.. but all i wan to do is to entertain them, make them happy n laugh.. it also relieves my stress n makes me happy.. i can laugh crazily sometimes.. but, after that i feel so much better.. my way of destress.. anyway they must hav missed my shit. haha.. being alone, i really think v impt things.. too much for me to take myself at times.

hey but its all worth it.. i really grew v independent this couple of years. no money from mum, resist using my dad's car. phenomenally, revising sch work myself.. cant believe it myself either..

nowadays, sim is renovating to build an escalator.. evrything is changing, so much so i feel i've changed too. actually another reason for behaving crazily is my inability of getting over my past rship. well, its jus another typical sad love story u will see on tv man.

however slowly.. but surely, i'm feeling better n better as time goes by.. been one n a half yrs since.. come to realise wat ppl said is true abt 'time heals all wounds' though its a pity..

slowly.. but surely.. feeling better n less negative..

dunno why last sun nite, smoking by the window when its raining.. suddenly tis tot 'she's gone, accept it bcos too bad u have to serve,' 'jus take it as our rship din pass the test of time. anyway both of us are wrong in handling alot of things too. lets learn fron this, lets move on ba.' didnt dare entertain tis tot all along for so long.. suddenly when tis feeling came out from my brain juices.. theres an immense feeling of relief.. i guess tis time i'm really ready to untie that expired dead knot which cant be undone so long for unknown reasons..

maybe everything will turn for the better soon.. mayb.. dad will get a job..

AnOther "OnE oF thosE dayS"...

its one of those days...

one of those days... that i reach home feel like collapse in the bath room toilet. err.. n slp.

one of those days... i have to force myself on her... oh i mean it,, the tutorial sheet..

one of those days.... when i reach hm, its a cave for bats... here nothing holds true...

one of those days... turning to this blog, e only place where i'm true..

one of those days... u jus said u wanted ice.. so i made u freeze..

one of those days... had to convince myself, this whole place is fucking blissed..

one of those days.

its jus one of those days ur on the brink of falling.

hMm.. theme: why dO i lOve her..

She moves.. in beauty.. of cloudless n starry skies.
beauty.. oh wat black beauty.
i cant, cant take my gaze off her aspect and eyes.
thus mellowed by her tender light..
where thoughts serenely sweet flash my mind..

enticed, clearly enticed..
by the way she's above me..
not the way she embraces..
like sweet love, her gazes mesmerized.
we must hav shared a thousand words..

gone, i'm not wretched..
she jus has to go.
true, not true at all.
she din leave for some else.
enticed, just enticed..

The smiles that win, the expressions that glow
one shade the less.. one ray the more..
however much, however solaced..
cant hold her to stay jus the moment..
but wat rendezvous..!

she moves.. oh, so ever gracefully ..

Theme: dreAm aNother dAy

someone's mus b sayin a prayer.. sayin that something mus see me thru..
i got a new job. happy. no need to see those punters le. dun need to endure spitters in front of my counter.. hahaha.... dun need to get cough n flu for wks... by all the germs.. eeeyerrrr.

pale moonlight. someone's thinking of me. oh, how very sweet.
yah.. i accidentally took my fren's lect notes b home.. hahaha... too rushy. gotta start work on time mah...

even though it seems how very far apart we are. who knows we might b wishing upon the same bright star.
okie.. i will bring it next lect la... dun gan jeong la.. hahaha...

when the night starts singing e lonesome lullaby. alas.. me and my aspirations still slping under the same dim lit sky..

"outwit, outplay, outlast"

WhAt a WeEK........ X [

alright.. i'm back to normal blogging.. enuff about e gahmen, so tough to write in that language... hahaha....

i'am totally shagged out le... friday, sat, sun, mon work...

beginning to feel the strain... i jus fall aslp so easily these days... even overslept on e bus to clementi that day to sch... haha din even play dota with my frens for sooo long.....

today went to work after my econs test too... just keep working everyday last wkend.... din even hav time to study 4 my test properly... REALLI VERY SAD... going to score badly... i realli did study... so tired when i reach home everyday... but i forced myself to sit there n complete the tutorials... 3 days.. n i was so happy to go for the test... so proud of myself... but, the test came out Constant return to scale. and i studied eveything except that! my god... wtf? i did all the questions except crs bcos i was so tired n cant possibly cover evry crook n cranny.. tot it wun be so suay come out... i tel u.. tis time... i just feel like bang wall...

mum even ask me why do i hav to go work on mon... how can i not work when shes the only one working in the family? i'm 22, i sldn b taking money from her anymore... i wan to stand by this principle... altho sometimes.. the 'ku' is not something everybody wil understand... ppl who experience it will noe... even.. i think i will just cold turkey myself from cigarettes soon.. die den die.... the saddest thing tis wk is i studied so hard for test... so disappointed with myself.... i really hate tis feeling...

hope i can pull myself up...

ThE GaHmEn

when it comes to serious blogging.. u must talk serious stuff.. like, why i'm working at the turf club.. why i'm coughing like hell, when all i wan to do is to reduce my smoking habit. why the cat below my flat gives me the cold stare, all i wan to do is quickly go home and bathe.. i got very serious stuff to blog right.. all these very serious.. things i cannot understand.. The 'ba chor mee' man, why his stall got cctv. hard to esprain.

nowadays got this 183 club, they say u buy their cd got give u one umbrella. i go ask the person, he say umbrella finish. ppl buy cd or wan to hav umbrella. i dun know. now the bands v funny. some 5566 can become 183, later 7 flower some dunno come from where. 1 person can 2 band group.

singapore gahmen is fuck. 7% gst, i go restaurant eat must pay 10% sc. i eat 100 dollar must pay 117. this money gahmen say give to poor. den why poor also must pay 7% gst? to better compensate poor, dun need increase gst. stupid gahmen can income tax the fucking rich one, like those who 1 yr, earn more than 1 million, tax him 40 percent. he need so much money for wat? he can throw money in the wishing well, every min throw 1 dollar continuously, if he dun nid slp la. throw for 1 yr, still got left.

tat time, election i vote sda, gahmen dulan. i ord, they lost my ic. say cannot find. i enlist into army that day, i say i lost ic can anot. sure gimme 10 day pieh inside db. now, they lost my ic, i must say plz find for me. cannot even hav freedom to vote. still wan to put geitai say democracy here n there. i ord, come out. i got mya ma cert. can do wat? they say can become taxi uncle. 22 yrs old how to apply? mummy ask me go take degree. got degree mayb can drive mercedes taxi. more high class. auto gear somemore.

my sociology teacher say, ppl in the society are actors. i think gahmen is actually the real tcs in disguise. the pm n mm is the master. the tay ping hui they all just cover nia. now u noe why gomez kana the 'gotcha' when he submit form. excellent angle somemore. angle 48.39 degree ok. dun play play. teacher say singapore gahmen pay themself highest pay in the world. cos dun wan them to be corlub. but highest pay, likedat is corlub openly wat. legal wan. never break any law ok. they like help the poor, donate their pay out better. they need so much money for wat. lao lee already so old, save so much money go hell still must buy mercede, live bungalow den song is it. ppl always think singapore gahmen gd. all these propaganda nia. no competition from opposition, all relac liao. all go turf club bet horse, corlub liao. got money bet horse, say so much wan to help poor.

some ppl buy the Lky book. for wat? u write book, u will write last time in sch lao sai on pants, den let teacher chase out of class meh. all write how cool, handsome, fit lor. still got wat. buy liao den u kiao ka, xialan at home for wat.

'gahmen'
the end.

Turf CluB killS

well... ever since working in the turf club, i find that i have to blog... haha... the thought of, 'if i find my father there, i will chain him in the house' kinda of feeling.. haha. but seriously... Warning: horse betting kills. the ah peks a.k.a PUNTERS, they really bet n shout until they faint..

n still he get on his feet to continue to bet again.. i haerd from an auntie that got once someone had a heart attack when his horse won. god. and... they spit everywhere in this air conditioned room.... they will go grawwwh... n puiii. RIGHT in front of my counter. on the floor. me n syl was like eeeyerrrrrr..... argh...

why must horse betting be introduced in singapore? i really dun understand.. as if weekly 4Ds n Toto isnt enuff. now ppl like the ah peks are horse betting, soccer betting, On top of weekly 4Ds n Toto. after that, at ard 7pm, after the horse races ended, they will go to the kopitiam for beer. bottles n bottles of them. just how much money they spent on all these? the races usually are on wed, fri, sat sun, at 11am noon to 7pm... sometimes strecthing to 10.30pm. and some of the ah peks enter the outlet from the first min to the end.

so, its safe to presume they r either unemployed or retired. dun they know their wives n children need them? would so love to spend time together? like me? that how i wished my father would stay less at e singapore pool outlet(2-3hrs. i heng already, very gd liao ok!), n spend more time with my mum? duhz. i am lucky, although i hate my father's soccer betting ways.. at least he dun horse bet. whew. at least for now. okie, whine enuff le.. go continue study account test le... haha

"Character is not something you are born with, and, must take responsibility for forming."